the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
