two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
