I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Randomize
