I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
