i may or may not be watching the land before time
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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