i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
