Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
