i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
