all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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