I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
