dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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