HIV tests are more positive than that guy
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
