just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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