Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize