No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
