i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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