we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Fuck appropriateness.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
