2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
