the day after is always just damage control
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize