My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
