i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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