Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize