Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
