gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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