about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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