4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
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