I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
