she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Randomize
