somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
