glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
