Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
