remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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