the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
