You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
