3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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