no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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