Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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