What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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