you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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