Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
