that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Randomize
