your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
