how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
