Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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