I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
