I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
