i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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