Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
