My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
