Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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