i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
