all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
