Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize