If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
