the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
