hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
