You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize