if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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