You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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