i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
