Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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