in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
