we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
