Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
