Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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