So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
