There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
