i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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