First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
