I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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