Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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