Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize