Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
