I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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