i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
