??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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