even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
