Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
What changed your mind?
Being sober
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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