I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
