I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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