I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
