And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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