So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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