the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
