Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
