So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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