I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
