my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Mom said you looked used
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
