OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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