I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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