She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
