I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
