I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
