she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
