The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
