the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
