you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
