do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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