no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
