this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
