3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Please don't give away my fajitas
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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